FRAFRA MARRIAGE

                                                                      by Stephen Atalebe

The Frafra marriage is unique among many cultures. Marriage in the Frafra society involves the union of two families rather than two individuals. The family of the man has to convince those of the woman that they are capable of taking care of their daughter. The test involves the boy’s family taking a number of smoked guinea fowls, kola, tobacco and drinks to the girl’s house for a number of times before the girl’s family agrees to start formal proceedings.

In times past, it was possible for a girl to marry a man she hardly knows. Usually at the market or during festivals, funerals or when men go to farm in a different village, the man and his friends will plot and lure the girl to the outskirts of the market and then carry her to their village. Sometimes, the girl will resist, other times she will silently concede especially if she is interested. Even if she is not interested, it doesn’t matter, she will still be carried away to the boy’s house.

Once in the man’s house, the man and his friends will organise all sorts of entertainment to keep her entertained so that she does not think about her father’s house. People in the village will troupe to the man’s house to catch a glimpse of her and know her. The girl is not allowed to go anywhere alone. Even if she is going to free herself, someone follows her. Many girls have escaped back to their father’s house, so she is often closely monitored.

The next day, the family head will send someone to the girl’s father’s house to inform them that they have their daughter. In this first visit, the man’s family will take along three smoked guinea fowls; buy the locally brewed gin, a couple of kola nuts, and some tobacco. Sometimes, the girl’s parents will reject this on the first visit, other times, they will accept the items but they will not tell the visitors any better thing. Usually, they are told to go and come back another time because the elder of the house has travelled even if the elder is among them. This is always the beginning of the test.

However, the newly married man is now encouraged to work hard and get her pregnant. This is often advocated if the girl or her parents are showing signs of refusing to continue with the marriage. In the Frafra culture, it was often not accepted to have a sister giving birth at home except those sanctioned to do so, so once she is pregnant, she will definitely have to stay. Moreover, it was thought that once the man sleeps with her, she will become more emotionally attached to him and will not be willing to leave.

The next visit to the girl’s parents’ house will still not produce any better outcome. In some cases, the man’s family will be made to visit the girl’s house for more than 3 to 4 times before they now accept them and ask them to begin formal arrangements. Indeed, among the Nabdams and the Talensi, the man’s family might visit the girl’s house for more than 7 to 8 times before they accept to begin formal arrangements. This can be so costly because every visit, you carry along the same things, 3 guinea fowls, kola nuts, local gin and tobacco.

When the girl’s family finally agrees to start the marriage rites, the man’s family will now invite them to come to their house and “drink water.”  The girl’s family will send young men with a few old people to accompany them to the man’s house. When they come, and they do so late in the night, the man’s family is supposed to kill a dog, two goats and a number of fowls. This meat is not eaten in the man’s house but is taken back to the girl’s father’s house. This process is called “hand running.”

In a few days later, the man’s family will then send an old man along with a big cock and kola to the girl’s family. This process is very important because without it any child born to them will belong to the girl’s family.  So this is a crucial step. For some families, again especially those in the Talensi and the Nabdam areas, this process is skipped at this stage and made to come last because once the man’s family does this process, they can decide to delay paying the cows.

The next step is the payment of 4 cows. This could be paid in instalments or all at once. This also goes with a batakari cloth to the girl’s father. In modern times, the 4 cows are now reduced to mostly 2 or 3 but this depends on the girl’s family. Some families will press for the 4 cows while others will not. If you refuse to pay your wife’s cows, her family will wait patiently till she gives birth to a girl and once the girl is married, her bride pride is used to pay for her mother’s unfulfilled bride price.

Once the man and woman are formally married, the man will sometimes have to go with some of his friends to the girl’s house to farm for them and will have to contribute immensely if any of her relatives are dead.

In modern days, the issue of paying 4 cows has come under heavy attack and some parents recognising the economic hardships do not press their in-laws for the cows but rather urge the man to use that and take good care of their daughter. The payment of the cows has been a reason why some men and women in the area cannot marry. It also explains why most foreigners are not always willing to marry Frafra women and the reason why most Frafra men marry women outside the tribe in order to avoid all these.